Peacemaking is a lot like poetry

Breaking and Entering Peace

All around me, people break.

There is a friend who gossips for relief

There are lovers at dead, dark ends

There are artists at their brink

I wonder how many storms could collide in a day

I boast to my therapist about my controlled awareness

and then I spin out, again

into those prickly outer shrubs of hate

not of myself

but of the world and its incessant breaking

loud, even when it comes and goes unspoken

the hatred, like sound-proof headphones I slip on

to drown out the shattering,

a buffer before the spinning out

welcoming thrill for a mere moment until

something I call God drops a dose of putrid medicine:

recall

I have been here before,

hating a world that doesn’t care about my preferences

I have been here before,

drowning in thick and dense sensations

I have been here before,

in an emotional coma and unable to remember

that I have choices:

it is up to me if I sink or swim

(no one will throw me a buoy out here)

to sink is to reset the game

new careers, new homes, new lovers, new towns

bangs or no bangs

I will trade in opportunity for loss

and certainly something will transform

from form into dust

there will be alchemy, but there will also be a cost

final words, foreclosure, a setting fire

run towards a valid fantasy

but if I swim, I must rely on kinetic energy

with foolish hopefulness

I must sustain a reverence for this mess I’m in

and will my way into something so peaceful

it is already written as ordinary

in a bouquet of undesirable options

for a stubbornly alive woman

this has become my favorite choice:

to crawl into the eye of the storm

to let every thought, fear and feeling

hit the windows of my fragility

to say yes to cracks, dents and potentially

irreparable damage, no going back

to watch with bated breath

when I have no clue what could happen next

because really,

what happens when I don’t externalize every storm?

now that I’ve spent half a decade

perfecting “embodiment”

what happens when I realize I don’t care to be

fully expressed, fully formed

if it means an unfolding destiny as

a master of one on an inhabitable island?

after the stillness I will swim out onto your shore,

see the horizon from your humble, rocky spot

burn the flag of that inner religion

that told me I need to be reborn a thousand times

to really live

I will do this so I can see another face

age with sunspots and wrinkles

so we can build something unseen

with my new lung capacity

and your unscathed optimism

you will preserve all your idiosyncrasies

and I will reserve my persistent rage against them

because I know now

I don’t want to call home of any place

where we don’t both belong in peace.

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Are you spiraling inside of a fight?

Do you feel stuck in reaching resolution with someone?

Is there a tense and conflict-prone dynamic within your family system?

Are you afraid to speak the fiery truth to someone?

Do you love someone but think they’re a f- moron and you’re not sure you’ll ever forgive them, but you also want to?

I’d love to be let in and facilitate a process that is empowering, clarifying, honest, and deeply connective, even when there isn’t guarantee of an ongoing relationship between you and the other(s) involved.

To explore how transformative mediation could work for you or a loved one experiencing a persistent and disruptive conflict in their lives, feel free to respond to this email,
or check out more on my website: fionanodar.com/mediation